Chad Kultgen, author of the Average American Male, is quickly becoming my favorite living author. His first novel warmed my heart with its story of a young man’s quest to dump his fat girlfriend and hook up with a hottie. What follows is an excerpt from a final examination essay he wrote in college for Political Science 149:01, Lesbian and Gay Politics. Although, not enrolled in the class he thought it was funny to submit an exam, I agree. The full essay can be read on his Harper Collins website.
“Nonetheless, what we should really be focusing on here is all the torment and pain suffered through and overcome by the “Lesbian” and “Gay” community at-large. But before we do that, let’s get to the meat of the problem: Where did all the gay and lesbian “people” come from? Now, I’ve heard all the same have. Gay men are robots from a planet shaped like a penis. Lesbian women are lizards magically transformed by an evil magician into humanoid women whose tongues still crave the warm confines of dark crevasses. Still other theories state that gay men come from pudding while lesbian women are actually gay men who were born with female genitals as well as a healthy attraction for women. So, where does that leave us? Who knows, but I do know this: Gay and Lesbian rights are something that have been fought hard for over the years, and hopefully in the near future, they will be allowed to vote”