Queer Politics from the Average American Male

Chad Kultgen

Chad Kultgen, author of the Average American Male, is quickly becoming my favorite living author. His first novel warmed my heart with its story of a young man’s quest to dump his fat girlfriend and hook up with a hottie. What follows is an excerpt from a final examination essay he wrote in college for Political Science 149:01, Lesbian and Gay Politics. Although, not enrolled in the class he thought it was funny to submit an exam, I agree. The full essay can be read on his Harper Collins website.

“Nonetheless, what we should really be focusing on here is all the torment and pain suffered through and overcome by the “Lesbian” and “Gay” community at-large. But before we do that, let’s get to the meat of the problem: Where did all the gay and lesbian “people” come from?   Now, I’ve heard all the same  have. Gay men are robots from a planet shaped like a penis. Lesbian women are lizards magically transformed by an evil magician into humanoid women whose tongues still crave the warm confines of dark crevasses. Still other theories state that gay men come from pudding while lesbian women are actually gay men who were born with female genitals as well as a healthy attraction for women. So, where does that leave us? Who knows, but I do know this: Gay and Lesbian rights are something that have been fought hard for over the years, and hopefully in the near future, they will be allowed to vote”

Chad Kultgen

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Dick Sharpe

Dick Sharpe is among that rare breed of men who crawled their way out of the gutter and in to the academic and political elite. Despite this accomplishment, Dick retains his sharpe wit and sense of low-brow humor that makes him such a great contributor to Step Aside Show Blog and Podcast. Although Dick is a wicked charmer, whose sexual exploits are still the talk of Yale, Columbia, and a small town in a northern border province of Iraq, he is also a domesticated man living with with two handsome yet annoying sons and his wicked hot but equally annoying wife in Seattle. Dick is an accomplished academic writer, an award-winning poet and a self-proclaimed wordsmith, a battle-tested Combat Officer of the US Army, as well as a world-renowned alcoholic. Working mostly in the public sector, Dick continues to use his unique set of skills to better the life of his fellow compatriots. Mr. Sharpe’s ideological beliefs are a bit at odds within themselves at times he is strong believer in social programs and liberal rights while at the same time a strong believer in neo-liberal economic policies and the power of the free market to shape the political landscape. Put simple Dick Sharpe is the kind of man men wish they could be, and women wish they can be with, but the truth is they can’t because there is only room enough for one Dick Sharpe in the World.