General David Petraeus, former Commander of Coalition Forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, orchestrator of the troop surge in both conflicts, crafter of the game-changing Army Counter Insurgency Doctrine, and all around bad-ass mother fucker, resigned today from his latest post as CIA Director because he cheated on his wife. First of all what Army dude hasn’t cheated on his wife. Second, I think he jumped the gun on resignation. I mean did he really think this through? Now what is he going to do sit at home and talk to his wife about his feelings, that sounds horrible.
If I were him instead of asking Obama to let him resign I would have begged him to start another war for me to finish. Instead of writing that generic resignation letter, that for no reason at all mentioned that he screwed around on his wife (I mean really did he learn nothing from Clinton). What he should have wrote was:
“Hey Bro, Listen, I fucked it at home again, need to get out of town for a while, soon. Think you can turn the heat up in Iran for me. Your Pal, D.P.”
It’s a shame to see this prodigious and influential leader, who is often mentioned in future presidential speculation, go out of the public service in such a disgraceful way. The government truly needs more men of his caliber, despite their personal character flaws. I understand that in today’s media if this information leaked out it would have caused a tabloid stir in an area of the government that is not welcoming to attention. However, there needs to be some respect of personal privacy in such matters.
This situation reminds me of one of my favorite Abraham Lincoln quotes. After appointing Ulysses S. Grant to Commander of the Union Army, politicians protest that Lincoln fire him despite his battlefield success because the General was often found to be disheveled and intoxicated. Lincoln retorted, “Find out what brand of whiskey Grant drinks, because I want to send a barrel of it to each one of my generals.”-If I were president this dude would be allowed to screw all the sluts he wants.
Good luck D.P., you’re easily the greatest General in the last 50 years and god willing we won’t need a Commander like you again for a long time.