Return of the King (of the Assholes)

Someone should throw McGurn into the volcano of Mordor

In this weeks Wall Street Journal op-ed, King Asshole William McGurn returns with a strange story of how food stamps are bad. You see, it all started a couple of weeks back while McGurn was channel surfing and stumbled upon a TV show on MTV about a woman who’s partner just up and abandons her. She lives in a nice apartment in New Jersey, however, she cannot afford the rent on her own. “This wasn’t your caricature “taker”—the woman had a real job.” McGurn says about the woman. McGurn then says the woman’s situation provokes two questions:

First, how could her boyfriend just abandon his sons without having to pay child support? Second, what is the conservative response to a woman who finds herself in this situation?

The first question is stupid – some people are assholes (McGurn is exhibit A on that point) and will simply do asshole things – like abandon children. It truly sucks, but it does happen. However, he reveals later in the article M. Night Shyamalan style the answer to his first question:

As it turned out, the reason her partner could abandon those two young boys is because they weren’t his. He’d been supporting another man’s children, and apparently decided he’d had enough. The conservative might feel vindicated here: Had the mom been married to and living with her children’s father, chances are she and her boys would not find themselves so vulnerable.

Yes, you conservatives can now rest peacefully knowing that the man that left her wasn’t even the father of the children, so that makes her situation way less forgiving. All she had to do was marry the father and live happily ever after, but some how she fucked up and she should be shamed into having to get food stamps to support her children. Or better yet, not provide food stamps at all, because starving children is the best lesson learned for any parent.

McGurn’s second question is just as interesting in my opinion, and basically goes unanswered.  “What is the conservative response?”. McGurn doesn’t explicitly answer this question, but it’s very implicit that the response is to abide by the strong conservative values of living a “normal” life where women marry men, have children, and support their families effortlessly because of the conservative lifestyle they have chosen. Basically, the woman from his story deserves what she gets because she couldn’t hold down her man. The solution to her present problem is to not have fucked up previously. You have to love a political policy that says the solution to your problem is to not have had a problem in the first place. Brilliant.

McGurn goes on to discredit college loans, housing subsidies, and minimum wage as dilemma’s also hurting society. And he’s quick to throw in that the solution is “surely not to embrace higher taxes for the rich” because higher taxes hurt investments. Of course they do, just ask Warren Buffett.