Illegal Immigrants Paying for Your Retirement

It cracks me up that the mother is holding the kids hand but dad is running ahead all by himself.
It cracks me up that the mother is holding the kid’s hand but dad is running ahead all by himself.

Those who believe that illegal immigrants come to this country to steal your job and sleep with your wives when they are supposed to be cleaning the pool will be shocked to learn they have a positive effect on your retirement security. A recent study conducted by the Social Security Administration found that illegal immigrants contribute a net gain in the Social Security Trust Fund through their contributions to the Payroll Tax.

Senator, and water gulper, Mark Rubio requested the study as part of his new approach to Immigration Reform now ping-ponging around congress. The analysis described that illegal immigrants who pay Payroll Taxes contribute to the Trust Fund that doles out money to insured citizens who are currently retired and disabled.  These same illegal immigrants are unlikely to become insured themselves for lack of a matching or legitimate Social Security Number, thus they will be unable to collect benefits from the system. The study found that of the $13 billion illegal immigrants contributed in 2010 only about $1 billion was paid out to insured citizens that were once illegal residents.

Further, illegal immigrant increases the population of natural born citizens when immigrants give birth inside the US. This increases the eventual tax base benefiting those that will retire in the future. This might be a stereotype but let’s face it these border jumpers breed like rabbits on ecstasy. I’m going to start looking at condos in Florida.

Yahoo News

Collect Disability and Live Like a Bum

Have some money, it dosen't cost anything.
Have some money, it dosen’t cost anything.

“We who work through colds, bad backs and low moods — however liberal we might be — have permission to resent those who could hold a job but don’t, preferring to collect disability checks unto the decades. You see them at the coffee shop, refilling their cups in leisure, or even pumping iron at the gym.

And there are more of them all the time. More than 5 percent of eligible American adults are now receiving disability payments from Social Security. Twenty years ago, it was 3 percent.”


I got the above quote from a Froma Harrop, a Seattle Times opinion writer and complete waste of oxygen. This nut job is just stoking the fire of conservatives who believe that our nation’s Social Security Disability benefits program is a backdoor welfare system with no proof, and zero statistical justification. (Zero Point Zero)

First she points out that the percent of Americans claiming their disability benefits, which they have earned through payroll allotments, has risen from 3% to 5% in the last 20 years. The only logical conclusion that she can muster to account for this whopping 2 percent increase in the last two decades is that people are faking it. Stealing tax payer money, drinking coffee at leisure and pumping iron at the gym. At no time does she take into account the fact that the baby boom population has been ageing for the last 20 years thereby increasing the average age of Americans. This would make too much sense because the older  a person is the more likely they are to be disabled or become disabled due to injury. No, according to her we are all just pigs fighting to suckle at the government fat titty.

Second, living on Social Security benefits pays less than a part time minimum wage job, so no one is going to be sitting at Starbucks and shelling out their scarce greenbacks to an overpriced gym membership. For those few who do scam their way into the system and the fewer that are able to obtain benefits, due to the adminstrations backlogs andrigorous inquiries , it is not a lavish life style they lead. Often it is a decision made out of financial desperation and not one of laziness.

Third, the author exhibits several cases where disability claimants alleged phantom disabilities to obtain benefits. Every cases she cites is from a private insurer and not Social Security. She goes on to proclaim that other countries have tried to wean people off their disability benefits with vocational rehabilitation programs. These programs do exist in the US as well; they are administrated by the State and local governments.

Here is the link to the full Seattle Times article but instead of wasteing your time reading this waste of valueble internet space, go to the gym, get some coffee and take a survey of who many disability recipients sorround you.

Bitcoin Bubble Goes Boom



Bitcoins, an online based currency developed four years ago by a nerd in his mother’s basement, has lost 75% of its value in 2 days.  In the last month the exchange rate for the digital currency skyrocketed, trade at 47 USD per Bitcoin in March to 266 USD last Wednesday. But that was as high as it may ever likely trade at again. The Bitcoin bubble is an excellent example of what a trading bubble is like on crack. The boom and bust of this all happened in less than a month, suggesting that the volatility of this currency is will spell then end of investors intrest in it.



This doesn’t mean that Bitcoins are out of the market completely, or that anyone who traded with them is an idiot. In fact I am sure some people made a good chunk of change on this bubble. There are those who traded early last month and road the bubble to the peak or maybe a little below then sold which then caused the value to plummet from under his fellow investors. There are some very cunning individuals who might have used their coins to buy assets or stable commodities that can be traded back after the market stabilized or turned into another investment. Like this guy who bought a  Porche.

The good news here is that there is not a Bit nation where peasants will be suffering from this disaster. Usually when there is a currency crisis  a whole nation of people is left to suffer in the devastation caused by the hubris of the few. So luckily no children will be starving because mom dosen’t have enough Bitcoins to buy a loaf of digital bread. In this case the only losers are those invested large amounts in Bitcoin and now can’t find a buyer, like the guy that sold his Porche.

However there are those who still believe that there is utility and value in the Bitcoins, albiet not in the way investors hoped. As an investment Bitcoins turned out to be the 21 century answer to the tulip  bubble. As for the actual legacy of Bitcoins, the jury is out.

CNN Money

Sell Your Gold, Buy Wampum

It’s time to sell your gold. At the height of the Great Recession investors and doomsday preppers alike flocked to dump all their assets in gold, the safest of all investments. It was perceived that gold was the soundest investment in the turbulent market since it has a consistently increase in value over the last decade. In fact it had gained 650% since 1999. This was once true of the real estate market as well. The thing is, gold has no real utility outside of its use in manufacturing certain electronics and its use in jewelry. So the price of gold is mostly fixed to what someone is willing to pay to own it. However, gold is on the decline losing 17% value since 2011. Big investors are pulling out of the market and ordinary citizens are seeing their once foolproof investment dwindle before their eyes.

Last call, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

It’s sometimes hard for some to accept that this was just a bubble that inflated beyond its true value and not a real consistently sound investment. There will be those who will say this is only a hiccup and gold is worth more than the market appreciates. However, I find in situations like this it’s best to look for the next big foolproof investment bubble. It’s Wampum.

If you’re from India why are you white?

Wampum, cut sea shells woven together in strings or belts, was once a currency and jewelry of the East Coast Native American tribes. Today Wampum is still around mostly in Native American tourist traps and online retailers. But the real allure to an investment in Wampum is that it is a completely arbitrary item, just like gold. I personally predict that if you get in on the ground floor you stand to make a 1000% return on your original investment in as short as 7 years. At which time I predict the bottom will fall out in the Wampum market and the next new big investment will be these giant stones with holes in the center that early humans decorated their lawns with, doomsday preppers will love these.

Check out the latest addition to my investment portfolio.


New York Times

One Coin, One Trillion Dollars, and One Big Set of Balls



In an age where compromise is scarce, creativity and guts is worth their weight in platinum, the idea of using Trillion Dollar Coin from the US mint to allow the US Treasury to guarantee payment on the Nations Debt is just that. Anyone who says this coin is a ridicules option lives in a world of denial where the Debt Ceiling is not a ridicules process. These are also the same people that missed the first day of Economics class in college, where the professor explained that the modern world stopped using commodities as currency half a century ago. The same shitheads also made the following Fox News Graphic:


If used by the Obama Administration this option would also deweaponize the the Debt Ceiling deadline which the House Republicans have used a leverage to force cuts in social programs like Social Security and Medicare. This is all in the name of lowering the National Deficit, which is no longer a problem according to one of the most credible economists in the world.

And if your one of the few intellectual people that think the trillion dollar coin idea sounds too simple to you, then there is a dumber idea. That is that the president can issue I.O.U. which will act like debt coupons but not count against the debt ceiling. This works because people have taken the simple act of counting money and replaced it with a complicated system called “Accounting”. (Accounting is when Gingotts goblins summon up new words for simple things in order to avoid doing things like paying taxes or defaulting on debt payments.)

The fact that people are actual coming up with these notions tells us one thing. The system of governance in this country is fucked. Knowing that republicans will demand spending cuts on already hamstrung social programs in order to raise the Debt Ceiling, and even then it will only happen in the 11th hour bringing the financial markets down the creek with them, there is no option but for the Executive Branch to act unilaterally.

David Petraeus Goes Out Gangnam Style

“Hey Sexy Lady”

General David Petraeus, former Commander of Coalition Forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, orchestrator of the troop surge in both conflicts, crafter of the game-changing Army Counter Insurgency Doctrine, and all around bad-ass mother fucker, resigned today from his latest post as CIA Director because he cheated on his wife. First of all what Army dude hasn’t cheated on his wife. Second, I think he jumped the gun on resignation. I mean did he really think this through? Now what is he going to do sit at home and talk to his wife about his feelings, that sounds horrible.

If I were him instead of asking Obama to let him resign I would have begged him to start another war for me to finish. Instead of writing that generic resignation letter, that for no reason at all mentioned that he screwed around on his wife (I mean really did he learn nothing from Clinton). What he should have wrote was:

“Hey Bro, Listen, I fucked it at home again, need to get out of town for a while, soon. Think you can turn the heat up in Iran for me. Your Pal, D.P.”

It’s a shame to see this prodigious and influential leader, who is often mentioned in future presidential speculation, go out of the public service in such a disgraceful way. The government truly needs more men of his caliber, despite their personal character flaws. I understand that in today’s media if this information leaked out it would have caused a tabloid stir in an area of the government that is not welcoming to attention. However, there needs to be some respect of personal privacy in such matters.

This situation reminds me of one of my favorite Abraham Lincoln quotes. After appointing Ulysses S. Grant to Commander of the Union Army, politicians protest that Lincoln fire him despite his battlefield success because the General was often found to be disheveled and intoxicated. Lincoln retorted, “Find out what brand of whiskey Grant drinks, because I want to send a barrel of it to each one of my generals.”-If I were president this dude would be allowed to screw all the sluts he wants.

Good luck D.P., you’re easily the greatest General in the last 50 years and god willing we won’t need a Commander like you again for a long time.

The Rise of the Big Boehner

What the Fuck is he wearing? Dude, this picture made laugh more on election day than Karl Rove’s respones to Fox News calling Ohio for Obama.

The only Republican that didn’t spend election night in a fit of rage or cuddled up with his thumb and blankly in a tear soaked sob is also then newly crowned leader of conservative hope Big Boehner. I know that this blog often appears left leaning; however we have had some very positive things to say about the performance and ideology of the current Speaker of the House. The most famous and revered speakers have always been the few that came from the opposite political parties as their President (Tipp O’Neil, Newt Gingrich, and Nancy Pelosi).Big  Boehner who came close to a Grand Bargain with president Obama before now has the next two months to figure one out again. And I have to say I think he is the only man that can get it done this time around. The last time he tried he was dealing with a strong Republican Party that was inflated with their mid-term election wins and Tea Party fanfare. Now Boehner has a wounded party that is searching for leadership.

What this Grand Bargain will include is at issue, the lines will be drawn over taxing the affluent and cutting spending needy. The conversation of which everyone should be familiar with, but the complexities of which Boehner had tried to engineer a tax revenue increase that looked like a tax rate cut was so underhandly ingenious the first time around leads me to believe that this is going to be a true bargain with something for each side. I think true conservatives, who are currently stocking up on ammo in fear of the new brown socialist overlord, will be unlikely to side with Boehner so quickly. However, anyone who truly understood the valuable lesson learned last Tuesday will quickly fall in line with their newly invigorated leader.

What, the New York Post is Biased?

All this news paper needs is a hobo to wrap around.

Media Mogul and renown shithead Rupert Murdoch threw a Hail Mary pass right in to the cheap seats today when the Post, his New York based News Paper, published a picture worthy of the Facebook MEME from your conservative army buddy. The Post, which most New Yorkers use as a makeshift blanket or to line the bottoms of their bird cages, is the print version of Fox News, which most old men turn on in the background while they drink prune juice, clean their guns, and warn kids to stay off their lawn (Eastwood). Murdoch, the raisin faced vanguard of the conservative media has a moral-political compass so fucked that back in the Republican Primaries he supported Rick Santorum. For those of you don’t remember Santorum is a fanatic religious zealot whose last name is synonymous with anal secretion. Seriously, Google it. What else do you have to do today?

2012 First Election Results: Unanimously Undecided


2012’s first election results are in and who really cares? The residents of Dixville Notch in Coos County, insert adolescent giggle, close their local polls ridiculously early every presidential election to get some face time in the national media. The results for this election are split 5 for the Brown Obomber, 5 Mittens, and nil for the Step Aside Show endorsed candidate and Super Bowl Hopeful Peyton Manning. Apparently the 10 register voters Dixheadville are not fans of the Step Aside show.

Interestingly, according to the census, there are 12 residents in Dixhole’s Cortch, so apparently two residents had something better to do at midnight than vote in the national election. In 2008 Obama stole this election with 15 votes to challenger John McCain’s 6. Some pundits are noting that Obama has lost half his supporters in this small town, but that really does not matter because apparently the town lost half its registered voters in the last 4 years as well. Prior to 2008 the results, this backwoods town leaned heavily to the right. I can speculate that the Ayn Ryan loving gun crazy Dickvillians hunted down the evil liberal invaders of their sleepy town; or it is possible that the economic pressures and socialist death squads lead to the demise of the Democratic base. Either way, I really don’t care what a bunch of rednecks did last night, this election is over, so is the Super Bowl: Go Broncos!

Peyton Manning for President

The Age of Manning



The Step Aside Show is proud to endorse Peyton Manning for President of the United States. America needs a president like Peyton for an abundance of reasons. First, Peyton’s no-huddle style of hurry- up offense will stiffen the backlog and endless delays in Washington while executing excellence. Second, he is his own defense, if Troy Polamalu couldn’t stop him the Taliban will not stand a chance, nor will Iran, Russia, China, or Wall Street. Third, he is Peyton Fucking Manning, bitches.

In all seriousness, a poll conducted by the Freakonomics web site showed that of all NFL Quarter Backs in Peyton Manning held the highest favorability ratings among voters. The time for politics has ended now is the time for action.