Step Aside Official Endorsement for President of the United States

Actual image of undecided voter
Actual image of undecided voter

This election has been crazy. Like, seriously crazy. So crazy that even Russia is getting involved. It’s certainly up there for the “Most divisive election” award, which is a tough honor to achieve because the past three presidential elections were no picnic either. But this election is arguably far more special and the American public has to decide not who is the best leader of the free world, no, we are left to decide which candidate is less shitty. Well, rest assured we at Step Aside were not going to leave you hanging, and we are proud to officially endorse Not Donald Trump!

asshole
Yeah, definitely not this asshole

There are a lot of reasons we could list as to how we came to this decision, but The Atlantic actually did a great job of that already, so go read that. Please, when you get into that voting booth, don’t vote for this guy. We’re not even suggesting you should vote for Hillary Clinton, just be sure to not vote for Drumpf. We don’t care if you write in Ross Perot (is that guy still alive? UPDATE: He is!), as long as you don’t pull that lever for the coke using, pussy grabbing, alleged rapist, 6 time company bankrupt, dozen time failed businessman, sleazeracist, and bigot that is Donald Trump.

The Rise of the Big Boehner

What the Fuck is he wearing? Dude, this picture made laugh more on election day than Karl Rove’s respones to Fox News calling Ohio for Obama.

The only Republican that didn’t spend election night in a fit of rage or cuddled up with his thumb and blankly in a tear soaked sob is also then newly crowned leader of conservative hope Big Boehner. I know that this blog often appears left leaning; however we have had some very positive things to say about the performance and ideology of the current Speaker of the House. The most famous and revered speakers have always been the few that came from the opposite political parties as their President (Tipp O’Neil, Newt Gingrich, and Nancy Pelosi).Big  Boehner who came close to a Grand Bargain with president Obama before now has the next two months to figure one out again. And I have to say I think he is the only man that can get it done this time around. The last time he tried he was dealing with a strong Republican Party that was inflated with their mid-term election wins and Tea Party fanfare. Now Boehner has a wounded party that is searching for leadership.

What this Grand Bargain will include is at issue, the lines will be drawn over taxing the affluent and cutting spending needy. The conversation of which everyone should be familiar with, but the complexities of which Boehner had tried to engineer a tax revenue increase that looked like a tax rate cut was so underhandly ingenious the first time around leads me to believe that this is going to be a true bargain with something for each side. I think true conservatives, who are currently stocking up on ammo in fear of the new brown socialist overlord, will be unlikely to side with Boehner so quickly. However, anyone who truly understood the valuable lesson learned last Tuesday will quickly fall in line with their newly invigorated leader.

A Valuable Lesson

The President of the United States of America

On November 6th, 2012, Republicans should have learned a valuable lesson. This country no longer belongs to White Men. With victories in the Senate and not to mention the Presidential election, Republicans should start to realize that they have to not only come to the table but to start actively addressing Latinos and Women. Mitt Romney and the Republican Party threw away this opportunity. Coming out against Roe vs. Wade, Rape comments, Self Deportation, opposing the Auto Bailout. These are not the ways to win elections.

Marijuana Legalization passed in 2 states, Marriage Equality passed in 4 states, Tea Party candidates ousted. Clearly this country is becoming more liberal. And now with the reelection of Barack Obama, a possible 2 supreme court judges could join the fray making this the first liberal Supreme Court in over 40 years.

Republicans must become more liberal in order to keep up with the times. Otherwise, they could go the way of the Whigs. I believe Republicans realize this and it’s only good news for us Liberals. Today, John Boehner even went as far as to say they are willing to come to the table. Only time will tell if he keeps his word. But in any case, I am very excited and interested in the future of this Great Country.

What, the New York Post is Biased?

All this news paper needs is a hobo to wrap around.

Media Mogul and renown shithead Rupert Murdoch threw a Hail Mary pass right in to the cheap seats today when the Post, his New York based News Paper, published a picture worthy of the Facebook MEME from your conservative army buddy. The Post, which most New Yorkers use as a makeshift blanket or to line the bottoms of their bird cages, is the print version of Fox News, which most old men turn on in the background while they drink prune juice, clean their guns, and warn kids to stay off their lawn (Eastwood). Murdoch, the raisin faced vanguard of the conservative media has a moral-political compass so fucked that back in the Republican Primaries he supported Rick Santorum. For those of you don’t remember Santorum is a fanatic religious zealot whose last name is synonymous with anal secretion. Seriously, Google it. What else do you have to do today?

2012 First Election Results: Unanimously Undecided

 

2012’s first election results are in and who really cares? The residents of Dixville Notch in Coos County, insert adolescent giggle, close their local polls ridiculously early every presidential election to get some face time in the national media. The results for this election are split 5 for the Brown Obomber, 5 Mittens, and nil for the Step Aside Show endorsed candidate and Super Bowl Hopeful Peyton Manning. Apparently the 10 register voters Dixheadville are not fans of the Step Aside show.

Interestingly, according to the census, there are 12 residents in Dixhole’s Cortch, so apparently two residents had something better to do at midnight than vote in the national election. In 2008 Obama stole this election with 15 votes to challenger John McCain’s 6. Some pundits are noting that Obama has lost half his supporters in this small town, but that really does not matter because apparently the town lost half its registered voters in the last 4 years as well. Prior to 2008 the results, this backwoods town leaned heavily to the right. I can speculate that the Ayn Ryan loving gun crazy Dickvillians hunted down the evil liberal invaders of their sleepy town; or it is possible that the economic pressures and socialist death squads lead to the demise of the Democratic base. Either way, I really don’t care what a bunch of rednecks did last night, this election is over, so is the Super Bowl: Go Broncos!

How Much Does Karl Rove Earn to Sound Like a Douchebag?

Karl Rove

If you’re anything like me (and you’re probably not), then you probably spend a lot of time trolling through the Wall Street Journal Opinion section. Why? Sometimes out of boredom. Sometimes looking for something to write about on this blog. But most of the time, it’s the headlines and the authors that catch my attention. Either the headline is so outlandishly ridiculous, I have to read it. Or the author is someone “notable”, in which case I must read it as well.

Well for the past couple months, Karl Rove (most notable for being Chief of Staff to the worst president in a generation) has been writing post after post declaring Mitt Romney the next president of the United States. For instance, on October 3rd, he wrote a piece about how we cannot trust the poll numbers,  because at that time Obama was ahead. He cited some polling evidence from the 1980 election to prove his point. Then yesterday, October 31st, Rove posts a piece called “Sifting through the Numbers for a Winner“, by citing a number of polls that have Romney ahead and winning the election. How convenient for Rove that the polls he cites are favoring Romney. My question is, how many articles of blabbering bull shit do you promise to your top donors to earn that fat paycheck from American Crossroads?