2012 First Election Results: Unanimously Undecided

 

2012’s first election results are in and who really cares? The residents of Dixville Notch in Coos County, insert adolescent giggle, close their local polls ridiculously early every presidential election to get some face time in the national media. The results for this election are split 5 for the Brown Obomber, 5 Mittens, and nil for the Step Aside Show endorsed candidate and Super Bowl Hopeful Peyton Manning. Apparently the 10 register voters Dixheadville are not fans of the Step Aside show.

Interestingly, according to the census, there are 12 residents in Dixhole’s Cortch, so apparently two residents had something better to do at midnight than vote in the national election. In 2008 Obama stole this election with 15 votes to challenger John McCain’s 6. Some pundits are noting that Obama has lost half his supporters in this small town, but that really does not matter because apparently the town lost half its registered voters in the last 4 years as well. Prior to 2008 the results, this backwoods town leaned heavily to the right. I can speculate that the Ayn Ryan loving gun crazy Dickvillians hunted down the evil liberal invaders of their sleepy town; or it is possible that the economic pressures and socialist death squads lead to the demise of the Democratic base. Either way, I really don’t care what a bunch of rednecks did last night, this election is over, so is the Super Bowl: Go Broncos!

Peyton Manning for President

The Age of Manning

 

 

The Step Aside Show is proud to endorse Peyton Manning for President of the United States. America needs a president like Peyton for an abundance of reasons. First, Peyton’s no-huddle style of hurry- up offense will stiffen the backlog and endless delays in Washington while executing excellence. Second, he is his own defense, if Troy Polamalu couldn’t stop him the Taliban will not stand a chance, nor will Iran, Russia, China, or Wall Street. Third, he is Peyton Fucking Manning, bitches.

In all seriousness, a poll conducted by the Freakonomics web site showed that of all NFL Quarter Backs in Peyton Manning held the highest favorability ratings among voters. The time for politics has ended now is the time for action.